The Lurking Imposter
My Imposter seems invincible. No matter what I do, it returns to haunt me. But I’ve been thinking about that side of myself differently.
Here are some things my Imposter says to me:
You’re not smart enough to run your own business.
Just stay in bed, you don’t need to push yourself.
Maybe you’re not as good an artist or designer as you think you are?
Everything about you is embarrassing.
You’re too old for anyone to care about..
Why would someone want what you’ve made?
Everyone thinks you’re a joke.
When I face these thoughts it’s extra-challenging to stay creative. And all these “why-bother” feelings walk through the door of my brain like a bunch of squatters saying “Ok, we live here now.”
My Imposter uses different powers against me. Embarrassment was the first. In grade / high school I was embarrassed about everything – my worn clothes, being bullied, my haircut, etc. In college I was struck with a sense of Shame. The small art college I attended was what I could afford, but it was a school that was not well-spoken of. Eventually that school was shut down for predatory lending practices. I was left standing with work I was proud of, but a degree from a college I was not.
Self-Doubt is the most common challenge I face. Someone once said: “You’ll do great things if you ever stop second-guessing yourself.” I’m striving every day to work on that. The tricky part is understanding the difference between real limitations and self-imposed ones.
You find Imposter Eric disturbing? Imagine how I feel.
Knowing the Signs
My Imposter appears like a thundercloud. It casts a dark spell over my outlook. I feel a sense of creative unease. There’s confusion about which objective to focus on next and what goals to pursue. Then, everything I watch or read seems to challenge my thinking further. I start spiraling: Am I just watching and reading too much online? Or is it just the Imposter’s influence? Am I doing this or that with the right motives? I think I am, but what if I’m not???
This podcast was hugely helpful recently. It’s one of the most real episodes about the topic of imposter syndrome I’ve run across. Kristi’s a printmaker and artist. I’ve enjoyed the approachability of her YouTube channel and the way she’s focused on creativity, without lots of hype-speak, sensationalized video titles, and click-baitey thumbnails.
The thing is, when I’m going through a bout of indecision, it’s usually related to feelings of inadequacy. Mostly connected to being the “business guy” I need to be. Meanwhile, the artist I am is left standing with his hands outstretched wondering what we’re doing. But after a couple days, I’m myself again. Back to making some progress and feeling capable again. It’s a cycle.
What is Enough?
Working on ourselves is a life-long effort. At my age, I’d like to think I have a healthy measure of confidence in who I am. I still have potential to grow in my career and lots of work experience. But no matter how prepared or strong I feel, trying to run a successful small business in this economy seems like a lesson in futility.
Markets are oversaturated. Greed-driven AI-slop is spreading. Searching for commissions online is more about not getting scammed than actually interacting with real, potential clients. And making fun products that bring people together for shared experiences, almost doesn’t matter unless you have thousands to spend on ads to reach an audience. Obscurity is a vast void.
As a business owner, I want to make enough money to thrive. Enough to save some, cover necessities, and have a little left to enjoy a trip or two. But here’s the question: What does it mean to have enough when we’re all one life reality away from not having enough?
When planning feels impossible, my Imposter whispers: “See, why bother?”
The Resistance
I grew up a child of worry, the oldest of seven. Our house was small. Three bedrooms, one bathroom. For my parents it was worries over creditors, feeding seven kids, utility bills, would the swamp cooler die this summer, school lunches, health care, end-of-world scenarios. That’s a lot of worry to expose children to. Not to mention having my own worries.
Some say love grows best in small houses. It turns out worry does too. But over time, through practice and help from others, I learned how to clear my head and keep going in a forward-ish direction.
Here’s some things I do to keep going:
1 – Take a Break (or two)
I recently took two weeks away from business stuff. I put down my social apps, ignored YouTube, and stepped away from podcasts. I silenced alerts on my phone. Instead I played games with my friends, read books, and watched some inspiring documentaries (LOVE Jodorowsky’s Dune, super-inspiring). I spent time writing and drew in my sketchbook while listening to music. I also did some meditating, which helped me break down my bad thoughts until I saw them for what they are – useless.
(BTW - Even though I take breaks, I strive to focus when I’m working. I avoid multi-tasking and trying to do too much at once. From my experience corporate-side and talking with other business owners, multitasking is a big reason why we not only burn out, but deal with physical / mental illness as well.)
2 – Review Accomplishments
My Imposter loves to remind me of my failings. So, I know I need to focus on my accomplishments. I took stock of what I got done during 2025. It was a lot. I posted about it here. When imposter syndrome strikes, review what is going well. No matter how small or large. No matter whether you make things for sale or personal well-being. Our success as creatives is not solely defined by ongoing patronage, or accolades, or promotions, or more client work.
Success is about everything. Including our dominant mindset, the way we treat others, and most importantly our determination to grow.
3 – Hold on to Humor
We all have a figurative reset button – laughter. A world (or person) without laughter is a dark place indeed. When I struggle with my Imposter, I start rewatching shows that made me laugh as a kid. I watch funny movies and listen to comedians. Laughter reframes everything. This world we live is soaked in human stupidity – constant buy-now ads, puppet politicians, click-bait marketing, etc. I mean, I’m pretty sure this planet would be better off without us. I know animals would be.
What does it all mean? In part, it means not taking ourselves or others too seriously. I feel good when I laugh. I feel a bit better, stronger, more resilient. No surprise – my Imposter hates when I laugh.
Sympathy for the Specter
Maybe my Imposter is a seasonal lurker? Coming around at the end of the year? When things get cold, and quiet. When I recall lost loved ones, or past friends, and / or unrealized dreams???
Or perhaps the Imposters existence is a necessary part of my own. It appears and disappears, serving as a reminder to waste less time and build more creative toughness.
My Imposter cannot be destroyed. And maybe that’s fine. Because there’s also a chance my Imposter is an echo of the child I once was. A wandering, cerebral entity in search of comfort. The kind of comfort I give by persisting as the artist I am.
–E
